Dubya – Fortunate Son

G.I. Joe:
They used to call me a fortunate son.
Not because I was lucky—but because I wasn’t born into power.

George W. Bush though? Now that was a fortunate son.

While other men were learning how to bleed in the jungle, he was learning how to fall upward. Daddy’s name on the door. Daddy’s friends holding the ladder. Texas drawl, Ivy League bones. When the war came knocking, he found a window and slipped out the back. National Guard—paper shield, soft landing. Chicken hawk with a flight suit for the cameras and no mud on the boots.

And then came 9/11.

Smoke in the sky. Fear in the streets. Real bodies. Real dead. Real grief.
And suddenly the fortunate son had his war.

They held up the poster—him with the bullhorn, standing on the rubble like a commander—but every grunt I knew could see it: this wasn’t about justice. This was about permission. Permission to finish old grudges. Permission to test new weapons. Permission to turn fear into oil, contracts, and flags wrapped around coffins.

Iraq didn’t hit those towers.
But Iraq paid the bill.

They sold it like a used car: weapons of mass destruction, mushroom clouds, trust us. And the fortunate son smiled that simple smile, the one that says don’t think too hard. Meanwhile, kids from trailer parks and immigrant families were shipped off to fight a war that had nothing to do with protecting home and everything to do with protecting interests.

I buried friends who never even knew why they were there.

That’s the difference between a soldier and a chicken hawk.
A soldier pays in blood.
A chicken hawk pays in speeches.

So don’t tell me about courage from behind a podium. Don’t talk honor when you’ve never had to choose between pulling a trigger and living with the ghost afterward. History remembers who showed up—and who sent others in their place.

The fortunate son got his war.
The rest of us got the scars.

And that’s something no legacy can ever launder clean.

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Nigga Heil Hitler

In a dimly lit, hyper-modern studio in the clouds, Kanye West sits at a mixing board. To his left, a translucent, weary Adolf Hitler paces nervously. To his right, Manfred von Richthofen (The Red Baron) sits stiffly, polishing a spectral flight stick.


Kanye: (Nods to a heavy bassline) See, this is what I’m talking about. The architecture of the sound. It’s got that Wagnerian scale, but with the 808s. It’s industrial. It’s “Empire.”

Hitler: (Waving a hand dismissively) It is… loud. But where is the melody? Where is the triumph of the spirit? You speak of “Empire,” but you do it with machines. Real power is built with the will of a million voices in unison, not a synthesizer.

Red Baron: (Sharply) Power is found in the cockpit, Mein Führer. It is found in the singular moment of the hunt. Kanye, your music—it lacks the wind. It’s grounded. A hero doesn’t need a stadium; he needs a clear sky and a worthy opponent.

Kanye: But I’m the opponent and the hero at the same time! That’s the “Ye” dichotomy. People call me a villain because I break the simulation. They called you a villain because… well, the history books got their version. But look at the design! The Red Fokker? That’s aesthetic. That’s Yeezy-level branding.

Red Baron: (Small smile) It was blood-red so they would know who was coming. It was a gentleman’s respect. If I kill a man, I want him to know it was Richthofen. There is no ego in it, only duty.

Hitler: (Bitterly) Respect is a luxury of the dead, Manfred. They don’t write operas about “gentlemen.” They write them about those who reshape the world. Kanye, you have the microphone, but you are afraid of the silence. You want to be loved too much. A true architect of history accepts being the monster if it means the vision survives.

Kanye: (Stops the music abruptly) I’m not afraid of being the monster. I’ve been the monster since My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. But I’m also the protagonist. I’m trying to bridge the gap between the divine and the dirt. You guys represent the extremes—the ultimate predator in the air and the ultimate… well, the ultimate “No” from history. I’m the “Yes.” I’m the synthesis.

Red Baron: You are a man playing with echoes. You speak of war and peace as if they are fashion seasons. True heroism is the moment the engine stalls and you decide not to scream.

Hitler: And true villainy is merely a name given to the loser. If your “Empire” of sound fails, Kanye, they will treat your shoes like they treat my paintings—as relics of a fever dream.

Kanye: (Leans back, grinning) Yeah, but the difference is… my shoes actually sold out. The vision is global. The spirit is moving. I’m just using you guys as the mood board.

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Sophie’s Dandelion Revolution

The Briefing: Operation Murder on the Dancefloor

Location: An undisclosed underground bunker (with surprisingly good acoustics). Characters: G.I. Joe (Real American Hero, tactical turtleneck enthusiast) and Sophie Ellis-Bextor (Pop Icon, glitter-combat ready).


G.I. Joe: Sophie, my intel suggests a massive movement is forming. They’re calling it the “Dandelion Revolution.” We’ve monitored the comms, but I’m seeing less “guerrilla warfare” and more… sequins? Walk me through the tactical objective.

Sophie Ellis-Bextor: [Adjusting a vintage headset] It’s quite simple, Joe. We’re liberating the public from the mundane. The objective isn’t to take the hill; it’s to take the pavement. We’re staging a coup d’état, but with a much better playlist.

G.I. Joe: My scanners are picking up high-frequency disco beats. Is this a sonic distraction? Are we talking about a flash mob deployment?

Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Think bigger, darling. It’s a total occupation of the streets. When the rhythm hits, the barricades come down. There will be dancing in the street—not as a diversion, but as the mission. We’re going to burn this disco down before the morning light, metaphorically speaking.

G.I. Joe: [Nods solemnly] I see. A “Kill the Lights” protocol. I’ve dealt with COBRA’s weather machines, but a revolution fueled by pure charisma? That’s unconventional. What’s the casualty rate on footwear?

Sophie Ellis-Bextor: High. Stilettos are the first to go, but we’ve got backup flats in the logistics crates. Don’t look so worried, Joe. You’ve spent your life fighting for freedom—isn’t the freedom to groove the ultimate victory?

G.I. Joe: Knowing is half the battle, Sophie. And I’m starting to realize the other half is… finding the pocket?

Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Exactly. Now, tuck that chin in and follow my lead. One, two, kick-ball-change.


Note: G.I. Joe was later seen attempting a moonwalk in full combat boots. It was technically successful but caused a minor localized tremor.

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