Adios Apocalypse 2012!

Adios 2012!

Well it looks like the party’s over and the Illuminati are looking for new planets to conquer. You can watch Jesse Ventura stumble around Denver’s New World Airport here.

Jesse doesn’t put 2+2 together and realize the Americans have built a space ship during the cold war. The Russian probably have built one as well like in the John Kusack movie 2012. In the movie, the space ships aren’t space ships but some kind of shitty Apocalypse life boat.

If you want to get off this rock with the Illuminati you gotta pay the price. Show up at the Denver New World Order airport with your suitcases of worthless currency, or show up with Cuban cigars like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Show up with something useful like Plutonium and see if you are on of the chosen 144,000. The ship comes back in 2094 but you will not age like the worthless eaters because of the law of relativity. All your family will be dead but you will live on useless eater. That is if you are one of the chosen few.

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London Olympics will have one-eyed mascots

London Eye Mascot

Organizers of the 2012 London Summer Olympics have decided upon one-eyed mascots for their Games, and no, they’re not pirates.

They are Wenlock and Mandeville, names for two small English towns, and they have no discernible gender. (See an animated video about their fictional origin here.)

Says London organizing chief Sebastian Coe of the move away from mascots that easily make for stuffed-animal marketing: “We’ve talked to lots of children and they don’t want cuddly toys. They want something they can interact with and something with a good story behind it.”

Well, we suppose explaining to a child why someone has only one eye and is neither male nor female would indeed make for a good story.

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