Lana Del Rey plays a weepy young devotchka getting married to a Cult leader in Ultraviolence. I can watch the video up until the part where that starry vek’s hand goes into her usta. I get sick at that part.

All this talk of getting married makes me want to platch. Dr. Brodsky says the Ludavico technique has been perfected. My case was just a hiccup. I had to go through the process all over again. I was strapped into a chair with my glazballs pried open watching ultraviolence all over again. I can’t slooshy to this music anymore. How am I going to get married and have kids when I get sick whenever I see something sexy? I’m not a malchick anymore. I am a grown man. I need a zhena.