Speech by Derek Zoolander: “Breaking Free from the Fashion Cult”

Presented at the Annual Center for Model Awareness Conference

Ladies and gentlemen, beautiful people, and really, really, ridiculously good-looking friends,

Thank you for gathering here today. I know it’s hard to pull yourself away from a mirror, but what I’m about to share is more important than Blue Steel, Magnum, or even Le Tigre. It’s about freedom—freedom from something so sinister, so deeply embedded in the fashion world, that it took me years to see it.

I’m talking about MK Ultra for models. Yeah, you heard me. It’s not just a conspiracy theory. It’s real. And I was a victim.

For years, I thought I was just walking runways, posing for pictures, and pouting my lips in ways that changed lives. But behind the glitter and the glamour, there was something darker—something that turned me, Derek Zoolander, into a pawn. They called it “training,” but it was brainwashing. They said, “Wear this,” “Do that,” “Turn left.” But what they really meant was, “Don’t think.”

I was trapped in a cult of beauty, where individuality was crushed under the weight of designer labels. They didn’t want Derek Zoolander, the person—they wanted Derek Zoolander, the mannequin.

But then came Joe. Joe, the cult deprogrammer. A guy with no fashion sense but a heart as big as my modeling portfolio. He didn’t see me as a pretty face; he saw me as a human being—a human being who needed saving.

Joe showed me the truth. He helped me realize that my brain isn’t just for holding up my hair. It’s for thinking, for questioning, for saying, “No, I will not wear that sequined jumpsuit that looks like a bedazzled trash bag!”

Through his help, I broke free. I learned that I’m more than my looks, more than my poses, more than my inability to turn left. I’m Derek Zoolander, a man with feelings, dreams, and a newfound love for thinking outside the catwalk.

To all the models out there still trapped in the system, I say this: You are more than a face. You are more than a body. You are a person, and you deserve to be free. Don’t let them use you. Don’t let them tell you who to be.

And to the fashion world, I say: Your reign of mind control is over. We’re taking back our freedom, our individuality, and yes, our ability to turn left if we so choose.

So let’s walk together—not on a runway, but on the path to freedom. Let’s show the world that we’re not just models. We’re role models.

Thank you. And remember: Being ridiculously good-looking is great, but being free is even better.